The Body Knows
I want to share an extremely personal entry ripped from the pages of my journal. The person that wrote this was a different version of me, only a few months ago. But reading this back I can feel exactly what she was feeling then. She was at breaking point.
At the point I wrote this I was so adamant that the big shift I needed in my life was to do with my career. And, as I’ve said before, the big shift that I so desperately needed was all to do with my personal life.
Journal entry: February
I’m so afraid of the unknown. I don’t know what I don’t know and perhaps it’s the fear of not knowing if I can do it or not do it until it’s too late.
My self-belief is progressing, and I think it’s something I really need to work on. I have to take a leap of faith in myself and that is so unbelievably scary. I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s because I’m setting so many goals and that is giving me anxiety.
I’m determined as fuck to make this big shift in my life; I can feel it in my gut that I’m desperate for a big change to happen. I do believe in myself, and I guess every week this big shift hasn’t happened it feels like more urgency and pressure is building inside me. I feel like I’m about to implode.
I haven’t felt relaxed in so long. And surely that’s realistic. I probably won’t have that ‘sit back and relax’ feeling for a while because there’s always so much to do and I can only rely on myself to get it done. I have to be in a state of pressure and urgency that feels okay to me in my body but this doesn’t feel okay. Life is too short. I HAVE to make a change.
