Release
I set an intention at the beginning of every menstrual cycle. A feeling that I want to focus on. Something that’s going to serve me, elevate me. For this last cycle my intention was to release. I wanted to release anything in my life that was not serving me. Negative energies, negative feelings, negative moods, negative thoughts.
And this wasn’t about running from the emotions or buffering or distracting myself. I wanted to embrace and feel every single emotion as it came up, including the negative – especially the negative. I wanted to feel it, no matter how uncomfortable or painful it was. I wanted to sit in it, honour it, process it, and then fucking RELEASE THAT SHIT.
And hell yes, I made it happen. Here’s how.
My thoughts can get stuck in a loop, which easily leads to some sort of self-deprecating negative spiral. And over the last cycle, if I was keeping myself busy – or if I was too stubborn to give into those thoughts - I wasn’t able to sit and process what I was feeling.
But, with practice and grace, each time I let the negative thoughts in, each time I let them unravel and watched curiously, I realised so much had been suppressed. And now that I was in a space where I felt safe to release, everything was coming out – whether I wanted it to or not. And there wasn’t always the perfect place or moment, emotions don’t wait until I'm sitting comfortable with a cup of herbal tea. They’re here and they’re present, and they can rattle me to the core if I don’t stop and take notice.
Safety was key here. What enabled me to process was to feel safe enough in my space to feel these emotions. To surround myself with people that made me feel safe. And within that I could take my own time to process without judgement or fear.
So, I talked them out until I was bored of the topic and I’m sure everyone around me was bored of the topic too. I cried until my chest hurt. Which only meant all that negative shit was being released again and made space for all the other good stuff in my life.
Something you should know about me is that I feel everything to the fullest. And during this last cycle, I felt safe enough to be authentically myself again.
Let me tell you, when I’m happy I’m dancing on the fucking ceiling. When I’m angry you can be sure as hell everyone is going to know about it, and I’ll probably try to recruit you into feeling some of that anger with me. When I’m sad I have to cry it out until it quite literally feels like the weight has dissolved through my tears. And to then have the space to feel so expansively, to not feel I’m being too much, I was able to then release and know everything had been processed fully.
Another enabler, on reflection, was trust. There were moments of feeling so frantic that I’d have this sense of urgency that coursed through me; an overwhelming panic that had nowhere to go, ping-ponging through my nervous system with a monumental force. I’ve learned that to lean into trust can help alleviate this. To let it wash over me like a waterfall and ground me.
At one point, I felt like I was stuck in a time loop, time felt so slow and like there was such a long way to go in this cycle, in this entire healing process. Which there is, I don’t deny it. But I realised all I’ve wanted recently is a slower life; to feel abundant with time. And then suddenly I was panicking because it all felt too slow. To sit back and trust in the process, trust in the Universe, in faith; to hand everything over and just trust that it will be okay. That is the most powerful way, I found, to release.
Releasing the negative energy freed up space for the valuable revelations and insights that I wouldn’t have been able to see through the fog that was cluttering my vision before.
To repair and heal the relationship with myself now. That is my priority.
And knowing what I needed to do to release the energy literally shifted me from feeling nauseas and exhausted and drained to feeling cleansed and grounded. This is what makes me realise that connecting in ourselves in this way is nothing short of MAGIC.
I once again feel like I’m in my own skin. Like I’m safe here and it’s this beautiful place that I couldn’t enjoy before. I can breathe. I can luxuriate in my life and enjoy all the exquisite moments that make up this life.
Below is taken straight from a journal entry of mine. I wanted to share this with you, reader, to share a snippet of the magic that releasing negativity can create:
‘I did feel a lot of joy today. In small moments of sipping red wine and eating chocolate cake fresh from my sister's bread maker to sunlight winking through the trees, to my entire family piling into my bedroom and utter chaos erupting. And the big moments of belly laughs and big hugs and engaging conversations and planning trips. I’m so completely grateful that I have the space and capacity to be present again and fully enjoy these moments. My heart feels so full.’
